The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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