my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
