i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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