apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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