4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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