i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize