i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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