Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
