The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize