the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
