i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
