Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
