sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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