Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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