What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
