im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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