My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
