There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
