I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
