i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
