Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
