he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...