Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.