I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is my life. Enjoy the view