Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...