I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dating After Heartbreak
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.