so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
