I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
