I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
