I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
