sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
