"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
