please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
