5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
