My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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