I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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