i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
