I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
did you just send me my own nude
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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