sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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