after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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