her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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