Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
