So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
