im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
