dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
