What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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