i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
