oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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