He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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