You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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