would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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