Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
