At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
