i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
