Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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