They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
