His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize