he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
that may or may not have been my penis.
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