I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
