Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
