I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
