I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
