Yo dont text me then not text me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
