Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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