Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
how does that bad decision feel?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
