dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
